Wednesday, 7 September 2011


What's so complicated about motorways? You stay as far left as possible and only move right to overtake. Is that complicated? Judging by the numpties crowding the middle lane of the M6 last weekend it's akin to nuclear physics.

I wouldn't say I get road rage - road major-irritation would be more like it. I'm not an aggressive driver; I shout and swear when people annoy me, rather than letting my stress find an outlet in my driving, but there are several things which annoy me rather more than perhaps they should (in addition to poor lane discipline on a motorway). I thought I'd share them with you...

Not indicating
Why wouldn't you indicate? It requires a small movement of one finger and is courteous and helpful to other road users. For goodness' sake, on most cars you don't even need to remember to turn it off afterwards - what's the problem? My husband is a terrible one for not indicating. In my attempt to be ever helpful, I often sit next to him during those indicator-less moments, chanting, "tick, tock, tick, tock," until he puts it on just to shut me up. It's OK, fellow motorists, no need to thank me.

Not understanding lanes at roundabouts
So you're on a two-lane road, dual carriageway or other, and you are in the outside lane coming up to a roundabout, going straight ahead. STAY IN LANE! Where, exactly, do you think that the person on your inside, also going straight ahead, is going to go when you swerve over to your left on exiting the roundabout? I'll tell you where - straight into your passenger door, that's where. Serves you right.

There is simply no excuse for throwing litter out of a car window. What kind of disgusting, disrespectful, selfish, dirty moron could possibly think that it's OK to discard their rubbish onto the side of the road? Nothing more to say on this one.

I'm sure there's more I could add and you've probably got plenty of your own. For the record, I used to get really wound up by 'baby on board' signs. I interpreted them as suggesting that I am likely to be driving dangerously and should be reminded to drive more carefully around you because of your baby; as if I don't take every precaution not to crash into everyone. That's quite offensive. I try my hardest not to crash into anyone, as it happens, baby on board or not! However, sitting in the car with my sister and her two toddlers as she attempted to drive forward while spending most of the time looking in the rearview mirror as her kids distracted her constantly I realised that the sign isn't there to nag me to drive carefully in case I bump into you, it's there to tell me that you are likely to be unpredictable and I should get out of your way. Thanks for the heads up.

I'm off to get me a 'judgemental woman on board' badge; maybe that'll make people drive a little more considerately (for 'considerately' read 'in the way I'd like') around me. I can but hope.

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